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I’m the ghost of a Victorian detective. Or possibly a stunt double for Gwyneth Paltrow. Either way I have some spare time and I spend it on here. I used to just lurk (and you know, stuff) but now I review. Why? Because the majority of porn is unimaginative, unreal dross populated by terrifying malcontents with barely presentable features and I fervently believe that porn producers read these reviews and will change the way they make porn as a result of my constructive criticism.
Either that or I am monstrously bored.
Here’s to porn featuring people that look vaguely real – super-attractive but real. People that look like they are really into it. Porn that doesn’t feature pointless gimmicks (for god’s sake stop tying people up if it isn’t a bdsm scene). That doesn’t require the performers to engage in obviously unarousing acts while pretending to moan. (I mean really, who licks a plastic dildo and finds that act, the very act itself, arousing? Bloody nobody that’s who.) And please can we have less of that super-aggressive style of American porn starlet that confuses anger and aggression for passion.
I could go on – but you get the picture... Other than that, I’ll take anything depending on my mood.
I am willing to do requests – if there is a video you think particularly needs reviewing message me with the link... Anything to distract me from the empty hole that is my meaningless life.